It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
