A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
