My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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