Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
