please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
