If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Randomize
