If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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