I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
