I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I lost the right to judge tonight
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize