so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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