Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
