im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
