Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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