you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize