I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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