Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
