the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
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