When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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