Having a random hookup so left but love u
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
