The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
