I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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