okay pat passed out under dana's car
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
