If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
