I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
