I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
