I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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