Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
