garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
