Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
