she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We are two peas in an std pod
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
