Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
