every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
