Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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