What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
