if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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