WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just want to make out with him forever
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
