Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
