Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
