No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
