oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
