Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The uberlube is also flammable
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
