Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I want to be your penis for a week.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
