i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
