I bet he comes in French.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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