hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
