i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
