I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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