We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I look better un-naked...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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