Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
