guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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