Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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