I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
