This dress was meant to end up on your floor
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
