based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
