I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
