So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize