So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
