It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
