I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Can I color on your dick again?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
