Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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