God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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