Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
