ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
