With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
