and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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