Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
