I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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