I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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